Escape From Sue Island
by DHF of Walden
Summary: What will happen when the 'gang' is seduced and kidnapped by a wayward bunch of Mary Sues, and held captive on their secret island headquarters? Will they succumb to OOC-ness? Will they break, or escape? This is not your typical Sue Parody.
1. Chapter 1

'**Eylo, dear people. Does anyone remember me ...? DHF? No? Well, to be fair, I've been inactive in this fandom for several months. But I was skimming through my documents today on the bus, and found this fic- it didn't seem to horrible, so I thought, "Hey, why not post it?" Obviously it's a Sue parody. But I also tried to drum up a plot for once; let's see how that works out. This chapter is more of an introduction, it's quite short.**

It all started as Steve was driving Ponyboy, Johnny, and Two-Bit home from school. It was a relatively normal Thursday carpool, Two-Bit trying to grab the steering wheel, Pony scribbling down a few homework questions in the back seat. Oh yes, all was going according to some unwritten plan that things must stay normal on a Thursday afternoon.

But that unsaid, well-rehearsed plan was ruined as something out of the ordinary happened- they spotted a girl on the side of the road. Steve was intending to drive past her without another thought- but his feet were having thoughts of their own, and the boys soon found themselves pulled over, the girl climbing into the vehicle. But she ... she was no ordinary girl, oh no.

Her lustrous, long locks cascaded down her back, flowing to her waist. They were the color of honey and sunshine, with highlights of brassy-bronzy-copper-gold. She flipped her mane around and it spun in slow-motion, like a Pantene commercial- and what's more, didn't choke anyone in the small car. She did, however, end up whipping Ponyboy in the face. He was about to tell her to watch it, but he was distracted by how soft, silky, smooth and supple it felt against his skin. He had the sudden urge to grab a tendril and rub it to his cheek.

Johnny, however, was immediately mesmerized by her eyes. A swirling mix of stormy gray, ocean blue and sea green, with hazel, chocolate, and violet undertones, looking like beautiful kaleidoscopes. Bright and lively, laughing and dancing with joy ... yet Johnny could tell that they were masking her pain, and that she had a dark past like his. They seemed to search his very soul, even though she had her piercing gaze focused in the opposite direction.

The girl smiled, showing perfect, blindingly white, straight teeth. A smile that to anyone else appeared to be open, reserved, shy, outgoing, inviting and friendly all at once.

But truly, it was a smile of devilish delight- she hadn't even been in the car for five seconds, and had already snagged two of the four boys- oh, the boss was going to be so pleased!

Steve asked, "Um- what's your name?"

The girl smiled again and giggled. "Dewdrop Meadowlight," she answered. At the sound of her voice, the greasers were plunged into the world of purple prose once again. Her voice was musical, tinkling with a thousand bells. Smooth and flowing ... Two-Bit wondered absurdly if this was how warm maple syrup would sound if it could talk ... but that wasn't going to hinder him from making fun of a stupid name like that.

Or so he thought.

"That's ..." he began, planning on saying _'the weirdest name I ever heard, and I hang out with two guys named Ponyboy and Sodapop! Honestly, kid, what were your parents smoking?'_

What instead came out of his mouth was the word "... b- beautiful ..."

_Three down,_ thought Dewdrop, _one to go._

And with that, she spilled her guts. No, she didn't puke, though if she did, it would have smelled like lilacs and glittered with diamonds and rainbows. She told the boys her whole history, from the first time her dad had slapped her and she had roundhouse-punched him in return at age five- all the way up until now, and the stories becoming increasingly violent as they went on. She tried valiantly to gain Steve's sympathy, but ... to no avail. However, in one particularly bloody scene, Ponyboy passed out.

Oh my God!" screeched Johnny, "We have to c-call Darry! W-We have to get P-Pony to the Healing Couch!" He was absolutely hysterical. Dewdrop gasped inwardly. OOC never took hold this early on! It had to be a new record!

"No!" Dewdrop exclaimed, "I have a better idea- my house is just around this corner! You can take him in there!"

"Quickly! B-Before we l-lose him altogether!"

While Johnny was sobbing and hugging Pony, Dewdrop turned towards the window and pulled out a futuristic-looking device. It was actually a cell phone, and the _targets _certainly didn't need to see it.

_Coming in 5, _she typed quickly and quietly, _bring reinforcements: 1 undazzled, 2 dazzled, 1 unconscious. _Dewdrop couldn't resist bragging, so she added, _New OOC record: 5.1 mins._

**Oh noes! Whatever shall happen to our Greasers? What in the Hell is Dewdrop even talking about? Why is Steve immune? Find out in the next chapter, up soon!  
>I don't want to beg for reviews, because that get annoying, eh? But even if it's just a 'I liked it' or 'You know, this needs some work', I'd appreciate it. But I would really enjoy some feedback, if possible.~<br>DHF out.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Well, here I am again.~ Hey, I think this is the fastest I've updated in ... maybe ... two years. Eheheh ... well, the next one will take longer, I know that much. /slow  
>Also, thank you so much for the feedback, it makes me wiggle my toes in joy, you have no idea.~<br>... Anyways. I hope you enjoy this chapter- I personally like it better than the first one. On with the parodic shenanigans!~  
>... I lied. One sec, I forgot the disclaimer on the last chapter, so I'll put it here.<br>-x-  
>Until I, DHF, win the lottery, become a World-famous neurosurgeon author /singer, or marry a Sultan, I have not bought and therefore do not own the rights to the Outsiders, its characters, or anything else I might happen to mention. I do, however, own my horrific band of Sues.~  
>-x-<br>So, without further ado:**

Dally was bumming around a convenience store when he heard a high, shrill scream.

He didn't want to go check it out. He held no patience for the opposite sex unless they were in bed. Whiny, generally useless things. Besides, he was perfectly comfortable smoking his cigarette, browsing the merchandise. Oops, did I say browsing? I meant nicking.

So he had no idea what he was doing outside the store a moment later ... until he realized that he'd walked there, and his feet were now bringing him to where he had heard the scream. _Weird, _he thought. But Hell, he had nothin' else to do. Might as well, right? It was in the direction of Buck's place too- maybe he could bully Buck into giving him some money or beer or somethin'. Why not?

Next thing he knew, his legs had walked him 'round a corner, where he saw ten Socs all circled around this one girl. _What in the Hell?_ Ten Socs? Really? How did they all fit in that one titchy red Mustang? And why was that girl wearing blue jeans and a black tank top trimmed with lace?

Anyways, he should probably help her ... might as well, I mean, they _were_ blocking his way.

So he threw a punch at the nearest one, catching him off-guard. Surprisingly, the Soc didn't put up a fight, just stood there and let Dal beat him up.

This was just _too_ weird.

Especially since that broad got up and started socking Soc #2.

Especially since the other ones just stood around whistling and twiddling their thumbs, waiting to be finished off.

Especially since he could smell alcohol on their breath, even though it was three in the afternoon on a weekday.

_This is just damn creepy_, thought Dally.

Especially when the girl started pulling some kung-fu moves on them.

Especially when ten Socs all impossibly piled into the Mustang and drove away, slurring curses as they went.

Especially as that chick went and turned around in slow motion, and Dal thought, _Damn, she's pretty._

_What?_ Dallas Winston didn't use the word 'pretty'. It didn't exist in his vocabulary.

And there he was, using it to describe some random broad.

As she spun, her sheet of metallic raven-black hair fanned out behind her and her cold thundercloud-gray eyes sparkled. Dally also discovered that she had curves in all the right places, accentuated by her tight shirt and jeans. His mouth hung open, and to be honest, a little drool dribbled off his bottom lip.

Then she smiled, as bright as a thousand suns. Dallas sighed in content.

In short, he was mesmerized.

When she spoke, it caused him to jump. He closed his mouth and wondered, _Oh, shit, was I standing there like that the whole time?_

Wait a minute ... Dallas Winston, acting _insecure?_ Around a girl, of all things? This was wrong. Just plain wrong. But anyways, back to what those beautiful, full, rose petal-pink lips of hers were speaking.

"My name's Obsidian Darknight- thanks for saving me. What's your name?"

"D-dallas Winst-ton," he replied, feeling quite dizzy.

"That's a really tuff name," she was trilling, but inside, she was thinking, _Dammit, what took him so long? Ugh, I was _right outside _Buck's! He's _always _at Buck's!_

She masked her feelings with another brilliant smile. She could get mad at him ... later. For now...

Obsidian crumpled on the ground and started to sob. Dally sat down beside her and put his strong, lean arms around her. "What's wrong, babe?" he whispered in her ear.

_Weird _to the nth degree?

Obsidian looked up, her perfect pixie-like face glittering with tears. "That's- the first time somebody has cared about me ... in a long time. You see, when I was nine, my mom died. My dad blamed me for her death and started to abuse me, plus he was an alcoholic. I finally couldn't take it anymore and ran away to Tulsa, even though I'm from New York. Seems like my only friend for a while has been my trusty switchblade." With that, she proceeded on with her sobbing.

Dally went and kissed her cheek and hugged her tightly, whispering reassuringly, "It's all gonna be okay, Sid. You can stay at my buddy's place for now. I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

Which would maybe not have been so weird, had he known her for more than ten minutes!

At this, Obsidian immediately brightened. "Okay! But first, can you come with me so I can collect my things from the alleyway?"

"Definitely. Anything for you, Sid," grinned Dallas, falling right for her trap. They set off, and Obsidian made sure that Dally was behind her, so he'd be far too distracted by her shapely figure to notice the little device she pulled out of her jeans pocket. Her manicured black nails flew expertly over the keyboard that the device held, spelling:

_Target dazzled. Be there in 5._

Sodapop was behind the counter at the DX, wondering where Steve was. Usually he just drove the guys straight to the DX and then they'd walk home. What was taking him so long?

Soda started to tap his foot, stare at the clock, drum his fingers. He wanted out of there. All those silly girls would probably show up soon. He just wasn't in the mood today.

But then something changed his mind, in the form of a gorgeous girl that walked into the gas station. Her beautiful sea-green aquamarine turquoise eyes, fringed with thick black eyelashes, were soft and full of emotion. They were as bright and clear as tropical lagoon. Her glossy, bouncy crimson-mahogany ringlets glowed. Her soft, delicate ruby lips were in a relaxed, effortless smile that reminded Soda of his own. He got the sense that she loved life too.

The attractive young lady took elegant, graceful, ballerina-like steps towards the counter until she reached Soda. Those ravishing ruby lips opened to reveal a splendid, melodious voice that spoke the words:

"One pack of bubble gum, please."

The words flowed and rippled off her tongue. She hadn't specified which flavour of gum she wanted; Soda left that to his choosing. He selected a pack of Fiery Cinnamon from the rack and handed it to the young woman, whispering in a low voice,

"It's my favourite."

She giggled, "Is it?" as she popped a piece in her mouth.

"Oh yeah ... mind if I try a piece?"

The unnamed beauty apparently _didn't_ mind, because she grabbed the back of Sodapop's silky blond head with one ultra-soft, dainty hand, and pulled him into a kiss that was surprisingly tender. She made sure to pass the gum to him so he could have it.

About one hour and a heated make-out session later (_nobody _had entered the DX during that time), the captivating girl pulled away and said, "My name is Ocean-Rose Claudelia River."

"Sodapop Patrick Curtis," offered Sodapop Patrick Curtis.

Ocean-Rose grinned. "I love that name," she squealed, "It's so original!"

"Yup, my dad was a pretty original person," Soda claimed, throwing his chest out with pride.

There was a second of silence, before Ocean-Rose Claudelia whispered, _"Was?"_

Sodapop gulped and looked down at his shoes, all his grief rushing forward and demanding attention at once- his parents dying, his brothers fighting, Sandy cheating on him, the fact that he had run out of hot water in the shower this morning.

Sensing his discomfort, Ocean-Rose lifted her hand and trailed her fingers gently down Soda's cheek. "Tell me _everything,_" she murmured into his ear.

Sodapop trusted her completely, so they sat down and began to talk (still, no one entered the DX). He _did_ tell her everything- and he was crying by the end. So was she, and he embraced her gently.

_Goddamn, what an utter slowpoke, _thought Ocean-Rose as she leaned back against his chest. _Still, he's a hunk, if a whiny one- but I'll make it worth my while._

"You poor thing," she spoke softly, "Why don't you come over to my place ... we can have some gourmet hot cocoa. I couldn't stand it if I just left you here like this," she said as she ran her fingertips gently down her victim's forearm.

**Will Dallas come to his senses? And what about Sodapop? Will DHF ever write a chapter that advances the plot? Find out when I post the next chapter.  
>Also, anyone have concrit to offer? Was this chapter too repetitive? I'm not sure.<br>Thank you very, very much for reading!  
>DHF out.<br>**


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